5 Ways to Minister to Those Experiencing Mental Health Challenges
Let’s begin to give grace (and a lot of mercy and forgiveness) to our church and ministry leaders for their mistakes in ministering to mental health challenges.
These leaders don’t intend to disappoint or hurt people; with only their default ministry training, which lacks mental health education and training, they do their best to respond to mental health challenges.
Mental health ministry education and training is still a learning curve today.
Whether you are a church or ministry leader, someone supporting a spouse or family member with a mental health challenge, or this is your mental health journey, here are some helpful notes in responding to mental health needs.
Note #1: Blame & fault-finding is normal; we grieve into acceptance - hope.
On the front end, after discovering their loved one has a mental health challenge or from a crisis resulting from it (and some are still learning along the way), the family or spouse often processes “it” as a battle to fight, control it, and fix it (situational and spiritual).
This is a normal (grieving) response; however, with support, the goal is to ease into accepting it with hope, or rather, we gracefully "grieve” into it.
This is normal because, in this phase, we (our brains) begin searching for the formula - what and who’s fault is it and how to fix it (control it from getting worse)? It’s normal to search for natural and spiritual causes. This is not wrong; love wants to fight for their loved one, to fight for the miracle. However, staying at this intensity can lead to blame, fault-finding, and unhealthy introspection.
The solution is to ease into more knowledge (education) to ask more whole-person questions with action (more below).
Only looking for spiritual failure or attack can limit our lens, but asking more physical, mental, emotional, and even relational questions helps us see the patterns of what’s happening (which is just as spiritual). As we see and learn mental health insights, it replaces frustration with compassion … and leads to hopeful wisdom.
Ministering to unanswered prayers often leads to new meaning, wisdom, and grace.
In my years of experience within this mental health space, I noticed God doesn’t seem to answer the prayers, asking the “who, why, or what” went wrong with exact detailed plans with a quick-fix solution. Instead, I often see God lovingly patient while we unceasingly pray to control our “thorns” or pray our “thorns” away (i.e., mental health thorns).
Grace is God’s response to suffering … our thorns. God doesn’t use thorns to minister to us - He is the God of sufficient grace, with us as when we experience the thorns.
This goes much deeper into theological teachings about suffering. Still, I’ve learned God takes no pleasure in our suffering nor uses it to test or tempt us (James 1:16). The persecution and trials came to the early Church, which tested their faith, not God ordaining suffering to test their love for Him. He supplies us in our trials (see Isaiah 43:1-4 and John 14:25-27).
God doesn’t use “thorns” to humble or torture us into being faithful to Him or use “thorns” to demand or show our love for Him; there is no fear in love (1 John 4:18). In God’s love, He is with us in our suffering providing all-sufficient grace. Even with the unanswered prayers, He still grieves with us into a new meaning, grace sufficient … which turns into new meaningful prayers.
TIPS:
Be patient with their intensity, anger, and need for control; they will grieve into acceptance with hope. As they explore and get more understanding (education), with loving support (below), you can be a bridge in that process (actionable steps).
Try not to teach or talk them out of how they feel (avoid spiritual bypassing). When you speak, you may block them from getting to the grace acceptance perspective. Let them feel it and say what they think. Be comfortable with their pain, cry with them, and pray with them to find God’s comfort and wisdom in this.
Help them discover “management” vs. “control.” Yes, life may be chaotic, so think about ways to explore “How can we make life more manageable and adjustable?” Managing helps to organize life with the proper self-control, while the “fix-it control” can get into “tough-love” approaches, which helps no one.
We cover many of these principles and more important topics in our Family Grace curriculum.
Note #2: “God trusts you, too!”
Tears filled their eyes as it took them a few seconds to take in my words, “God trusts you, too!”
I remember talking to a family with an adult child living at home (due to a mental health condition). They had a great relationship, no significant problems or chaos, and great structure and routine. Their loved one's condition still needed more support at home. They asked me, “What else do we need to do?”
After some more questions, I found out they had received counsel from other Christians lacking mental health insights and skills, leaving them feeling their situation wasn’t enough. They still thought they had failed God and needed to “trust God” to do more.
I encouraged them, "You're doing more right than wrong!" Knowing the condition (education/training), they needed to see the beauty of this success. Then, I encouraged them by flipping the script …
"God trusts you, too! ... You're doing great; keep it up!"
We don’t hear that enough. Mental health challenges don’t mean we’ve failed God, but another opportunity where God shows up with abundant grace and entrusts us - and empowers us to keep doing the right thing (even if it always doesn’t work).
TIPS:
Encouraging that God trusts (entrusts) His love and grace to work through them. It doesn’t mean they will do everything perfectly to get better results or a breakthrough miracle. Encourage that they are already empowered, NOT lacking, but “in Christ,” we’re always enough - we sometimes forget.
Encourage and celebrate small wins. Many don’t understand how mental health challenges rob their loved one’s physical energy. Celebrate the small things they can do; they will regain more energy as they improve. Find those small wins and celebrate them.
Note #3: These emotions are normal; disappointment and doubt are not signs of failure or a lack of faith … it’s a gateway to greater faith.
Our brains don’t do well without a formula that makes sense (because our brain is a predictor, not a stimulus-response). This pain (sadness, anger, confusion, doubt, and so on) is part of the everyday experience of grieving. Thus, we are grieving (lamenting) into a new meaning formula for life with deeper meaning … a new life and faith meaning.
That discouragement and doubt are part of learning a new grace formula, not a sign of weak faith! There are many Psalms where the pain is being vented, and God doesn’t answer (see Psalm 13:1-4 and Psalm 44:9-26). These are normal human reactions, and it doesn’t scare God away; He listens and draws close (see Isaiah 43:1-4). Again, we cover this throughout our Family Grace workbook and our topic on "Grieving and Grace."
God is a specialist with doubt and a shipwrecked faith.
When you understand some of the science on faith progression, these pains or sufferings can lead to greater faith meaning and love, not less.
It’s okay to wrestle with God over your disappointment and doubts about what you expected from Him. Doubt is a common experience and healthy to ask when maneuvering through our internal pains and losses. Our brains welcome this challenge to grow mentally and emotionally; cutting this off interferes with our emotional quality.
As we help them, it’s learning to be patient and comfortable with their disillusionment with God and life. Sometimes, we feel uncomfortable when it sounds like their faith is shipwrecked, and, out of our discomfort with their doubt, we can make them fit into our safe narratives, but not for them.
Over time, a new perspective and peace grow (see our article on peace).
Notice, I didn't say, "You arrive at a new peace.” That peace grows into a new perspective that can accept, not resist, the mental health condition as a part of our lives, marriage or family experience, and discover a new process of life.
TIPS:
Pain is emotionally messy - it’s okay - learn to surf with it, not fix it. God is not intimidated by our raw emotions and questions. He bore a cross to show us He understands all of our pain and can still bear it (Heb. 4:16). Be comfortable with the pain - be a shoulder of support (for tears or to help stand).
Accepting it doesn’t mean defeat; it means redefining a new, beautiful meaning of life, faith, and everything. Along the way, ask questions about what they are learning. Even if they don’t know what to say, it helps them reflect, and sometimes they will answer their questions and have new wisdom they didn’t see before. Either way, you’re there to learn with/from them, not teach them how to achieve success. You may be surprised by some of the profound insights they discover … and they may enrich your faith, too.
Note #4: Grieving & grace lead to “re-Storying” life and still growing from unanswered prayers.
In John 9:1-3, we find a story of a man born blind from birth. The disciples ask Jesus if he or his parents sinned by making him blind. I love Jesus' response:
"Neither … but for the work/power of God to be displayed in his life." Jesus was changing the whole perspective.
The Expository Greek Testament comments on this verse b: “The question for us is not where suffering has come from, but what we are to do with it." That changes the scenario to let love move us forward and discover a new story … “re-Storying” life.
Yes, in this story, the blind mind was healed, but it’s about Jesus always displaying a love response, an opportunity to help (display God’s goodness), the principle that changes everything.
The miracle may or may not come, but seeing God can empower us to be creative. It doesn’t mean to stop praying boldly for a miracle. Even with the most incredible odds, I still ask boldly for big and great things … why not? These bold prayers to improve lives are also part of God’s heart. I trust He will act in some form of response that often requires patience for the process and people who can also help. I know God likes to work through teams and community!
Now, the bold “asking for miracles” first connects me to His heart, love, and compassion, and often, while I’m asking, I may have creative and innovative thoughts come to mind (practical or more ways to pray uniquely). I ask because I know, that I know, that I know … He lovingly cares!
I’ve not seen people “healed” or “cured” from their mental health diagnosis, but I have seen many of them have “transformed lives,” which makes it hard to see their mental health condition, but it’s there. A transformed life living with a mental health condition speaks loudly of how grace can be reimagined. — Joe Padilla | Grace Alliance
Prayer is more than a request. My opinion only, but for me, prayer is not a transactional experience; it’s a connected love in Christ to share desires and needs because I know He cares, too (Rom 8:34, Heb 7:25). So, whether I see the answer or not as I mentioned before, I still make the bold request - again because I’m sharing in Christ’s heart for the wellness of life, not making a transactional request and then waiting for Him to fulfill my order. I pray with and in Him and trust Him to respond. We can still learn and grow from what seems unanswered, maybe not the full meaning or understanding, but perhaps it leads to something we haven’t seen before and a little more practical grace. Stay childlike in faith.
TIPS:
Ministry prayer tip: When praying for others, I often let them pray first to what’s on their heart, and I agree with them - like when Jesus asked the blind man, “What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus knew he was blind and already crying out for mercy, but Jesus didn’t want to answer His cry from a distance; instead, Jesus wanted an intimate face-to-face encounter with His request (see Mark 10:46-52). In the same way, letting them voice their prayer empowers their voice, their love, their growth, their … (fill in the blank); then I pray afterward in affirmation. Let’s empower their voice with and in Christ, not impose our faith on them.
Note #5: Vision doesn't inspire change; love does!
I understand that we need vision to get on track. Yet, I have found that vision often arises from love, and love fuels where the vision takes us. People need care, comfort, security, and strength before they can “see a vision for their lives.” They need straightforward eyesight to make a difference in how they see their future.
This is the trick … taking off all the expectations to “achieve” instead of “to be” who we truly are makes space to discover and reinvent life. In time, that leads to rebuilding new dreams and new visions for life - but with more depth of life.
There is no expectation of where you have to be or achieve. What can you enjoy today? What can you manage today? What would you say is reasonable and doable for this week?
Start your journey with small practical steps and goals that build into something more significant. You’ll be surprised, and along the way, or further down the road, you’ll see a new “vision” emerge, but love got you there. This is to help reignite genuine heart desires and dreams and help you create a new path (working automatically in the brain, “cognitive priming”).
Love builds naturally and builds its vision - because we are His vision, we are His calling, and we are His purpose.
TIP (For you or the marriage or family you’re supporting):
Take the pressure off; you don’t need a Big Hairy Audacious Goal (BHAG) or vision. The big goal or vision can come with many misconceptions about “purpose for your life” or “calling,” which can cause more frustration in this place. It can cause an extrinsic obligation that will exhaust and reinforce failure. We want intrinsic desire (faith) to create a new vision - in time, as you/they improve. Thus, keeping it simple to what can be productive and enjoyable aligned with your values and desires. Grace and pace to move forward.
This is not a mental health ministry project. For God, this mental health challenge is not a ministry project. It’s more than that to Him. It’s like letting Him say to you, to us … “You’re my vision, you’re my calling, you’re my purpose … you have always been.” Remembering this is a “now” grace, not a “once we get better, grace will make everything good. Discover and be creative about what makes life work well today and for the week, then repeat and adapt it … no matter how messy. Artists don’t mind getting messy paint or material on themselves when creating a masterpiece. God is the same (e.g., the cross).
Vision and a purpose for life is a Western cultural norm, but let a meaningful life be the vision and lead you to dream again. As you/they heal through the journey, that new meaning of life will naturally reorder their perspective to what life is and can be. That’s what vision looks like - living meaningfully. We don’t read a lot of New Testament Scriptures or authors writing the churches to get a “vision for your life,” “follow your dreams,” or five steps to making a “purpose statement.” They encouraged them to know their connected reality in Christ and, whatever they have in natural and or extraordinary gifts, talents, and skills - they are all spiritual for the common outcome of good (1 Cor 12:7), thus use it (employ it) to serve and bring life to others (1 Peter 4:10). The more extensive plan, vision, dream will evolve all along the exploration … seeing good for yourself and others today (keep it simple).
So, if you're still on the painful journey … it's okay!
Every person’s journey is different, and not exactly this. Still, maybe these are some helpful perspective points to see Jesus in your journey ... to see, to learn, and to grow from the grief and unanswered prayers into a new meaning of practical grace … with the work/power of God to be displayed in our lives” (John 9:1-3).
Joe Padilla | Co-founder & CEO, The Grace Alliance
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