What to Do With Anxious Thoughts
How do we get unstuck from negative and anxious thoughts?
It’s not how to avoid or get rid of them; it’s knowing what to do with them and how to work through them.
Let’s explore with two insights and four step-by-step tools below!
(1)The fascinating game-changing neuroscience of how our brain works, moving from fear to confidence … how “transformation” works!
From the latest news and profound neuroscience by Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett (and I’m a fan of her work), we’re learning the brain is a predictor; it is not reacting to the stimulus (it’s anticipating it).
Our brain is predicting and anticipating!
In other words, our brain processes all the past experiences and information it has categorized and constructed into concepts (i.e., interception = using all data, information, and body sensations to predict/anticipate). The brain prepares for the situation to confirm or exert energy to learn, correct, or adapt.
We “fight” to grow, not “reactive formation” to avoid and shut down.
In addition, fascinating neuroscience research by Dr. Andrew Hubberman (another favorite of mine) is showing us that when we are threatened (fear), we go into two distinct states, one being the most common default “flight” or “freeze,” and second, an altogether different state, “fight” (courage for growth).
What’s fascinating about the “fight” state is that it has more association with reward neurotransmitters, but only after the frustration and exerting effort. Dr. Hubberman explains that in the “fight” state, it subjectively feels like discomfort, frustration, and effort — however, the research shows that facing our challenges and fears is ineptly rewarding. Put simply, the “fight” state is a courageous learning experience. Maybe we can reframe to being in God’s grace-sufficiency state.
The problem: We tend to focus on eliminating the discomfort instead of leveraging it to learn. It’s a grace-courage training challenge, not an anxious thought problem.
We go into a panic, reactive fear, avoidance, frantic and erratic behaviors, etc., because we (our brains) are not trained for it. We’re not prepared for it (confident within/without), and our brain doesn’t know what to do (the brain doesn’t know how to predict, no new formula to work through it). Without helpful insights and tools, we can get stuck reacting to the stressor, the thoughts, and the negative experience and get locked into a negative feedback loop (see below). So, I see people try to work it down, suppress it, avoid it … only for it to return in the next trigger.
We can change anxiety into a new “lens” perception, strength, and courage to work through it (and succeed); it’s a grace-spiritual lens of resilient grace.
With all these new neuroscience insights, instead of focusing on working down the distress, it’s working through it. Various studies utilize these techniques with positive outcomes (e.g., students are overcoming test anxiety with higher scores).
Many Christians sometimes get mixed messages to fight the anxiety because it’s often associated with bad “spirituality,” weak faith, or the devil’s attack. Thus, if the prayer focus is to constantly "fight, conquer, push, pull, press, or breakthrough," it implies and reinforces an association of feeling a loss, defeated, and vulnerable to attack (unsafe). From a psychological and neuroscience standpoint, this view will intensify those thoughts and keep the person trapped in a negative feedback loop (above). Fighting with the adrenaline may come with some relief but soon return within hours. The fight goes on (and can feel frantic), and it can confuse the person about their true “in Christ” identity, safety, strength, and overall sense of rest (we’ll get into how-to tips below).
“Grace is not opposed to effort; it is opposed to earning. Earning is an attitude. Effort is an action.” – Dallas Willard
(2) Moving from fear to resilient grace (faith), from anxiety to courage.
As Dr. Hubberman’s research provides new insights about “fear” and how we’re designed and naturally primed for courage, let’s consider this …
What if that pain in our chest, that nervous feeling, was our brain anticipating a challenge and providing our body a rush of grace-courage to face it, get through it, and have a reward from it – new internal insight and strength?
What if it was our readiness “in Christ” (Holy Spirit) to work through it with sufficient grace?
So, here is a helpful tool to practice … the more you practice, the more you change the brain predictor … reframe it into courage! You’re the driver, not your thoughts or emotions!
This is a tool in our Living Grace and Thrive workbooks, but I have elaborated more helpful hints to make it super helpful!
4 Ways to Grow in Resilient Grace - Thrive Thinking.
#1 - Predict the potholes – awareness (grace awareness to grow).
When you drive down a road with many potholes, you naturally slow down and anticipate where the holes are to avoid damaging your tires and alignment. In the same way, when we’re starting to feel that distressing, negative, and anxious thinking, we have to slow down and become aware so we don't lose traction or our internal alignment.
in our Living Grace and Thrive workbooks, we list out a variety of negative thinking “traps” (or potholes), which are categorized by Dr. David Bruns’s famous book, "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy." However, negative thinking traps can be summarized in these four standard categories:
1) Ultimatums (personalization) - there’s no middle; it’s either good or bad, usually wrong.
2) Blaming (polarizing) - reasoning self-blame, introspective fault-finding when things are wrong.
3) Filtering (magnifying) - focus on negative details in situations, ideas, events, etc., to dismiss or cancel yourself.
4) Fearing (catastrophizing) - focusing and expecting the worst outcome.
What traps or “potholes” seem to be your typical default narrative? It’s normal to experience one or more, but you can see some of your normal defaults (everyone experiences these). Evaluate past experiences where you’ve “lost control” emotionally - see what pothole narratives were going on.
For example, my default pothole is the “Ultimatums” mixed with “Fearing.” This is when I see life in ultimatums: "Ugh, it's horrible, forget it … it's all going to fall apart … I'll never be good enough for _______."
Because I’ve been down this road before and know where the thinking potholes are (self-awareness), I can slow down (breathing) and not get stuck in one of them … or worse, let it cause more damage. With more tools below, I keep moving forward with courage (resilient grace).
#2 - Read the sensations, and be specific (grace to see the condition impact, not how we’re cemented in it).
Sometimes, it may not be a thought but rather more of an uncomfortable feeling or sensation that leads to an anxious or panic feeling. So, start from the outside in through a simple process of recognizing, reviewing, and realizing (usually pause, take a deep breath, and observe):
a. Recognize what “triggered” the behavior, sensation, and internal reaction or feeling.
b. Review what you are feeling and doing physically and emotionally. (e.g., avoidance, cleaning furiously, arguing, sweating, racing heart, anger, sadness, fear).
Note: Be very precise with emotions. “Sadness” is a general term, but what’s the specific nuance of it: loss, dissatisfaction, disappointment, separation from something/someone? The more specific you can be, the easier it is for you (and your brain) to develop meaning to formulate the response and resiliency.
c. Realize which mental traps (potholes) are causing you to lose traction and alignment and feel stuck (e.g., ultimatums, blaming). Again, be precise about the pothole thought, but what is the specific, negative narrative? By stating it, you’re not affirming it; you’ll be surprised; it’s allowing it to be deflated.
By doing this, you’re engaging and leveraging that courage to reprogram your prefrontal cortex, the effort that later will follow with reward sensation. You are moving from concrete critical to more curious adaptation. Remember, it’s supposed to feel uncomfortable and frustrating, but that’s part of it - so ride through it.
#3 - Renew with a new “thought” route (re-writing a new resilient grace narrative).
Getting unstuck does not mean responding with “positive thinking.” Resilient grace is realistic thinking but not stuck thinking in “all is good” or “all is bad.” Instead, responding with self-compassion and a comfort perspective builds courage (realistic grace-thinking).
a. Renew with a challenge: "What if not? Is this true about me? Would my closest friends, family, and significant other or spouse see me like this? Would I ever say this about someone else? No, never! There's no evidence it's true!”
b. Renew with self-acceptance and self-compassion: "I may not say or do everything right, but I know I'm not perfect, and I can grow from mistakes, AND that's okay! And it doesn't cancel me out as a person! And my friends, family, and significant other/spouse and God NEVER cancel me out!"
c. Renew with God's comfort and advice: "What does God truly believe about me in this situation?" You can even use significant scriptures that bring you comfort — incorporate them into this part of the practice as it helps build the secure “narratives” to deflate the negative thoughts (and future ones) quickly.
Then, imagine Jesus talking to you and what advice he would give you or what advice you would give yourself in this situation (as if you had to give it to someone else). Studies by Ethan Kross, Ph.D., a psychologist and expert on negative thoughts and rumination, note that talking to yourself and giving advice in the second person is highly effective for defusing negative thinking.
“But as for me, the nearness of my God (state of constant union) is my good …” – Psalm 73:28.
This is a state of “In Christ” union exercise, not an isolation project. For some people, this part about God’s comfort and advice may be tricky because they may have a harsher narrative about God, being more prone to judging, distant, and only pleased by His command-demand obedience. If that’s you, that’s okay, and it is not a failure of faith — it’s a faith-building experience to learn a loving God (that takes time).
So, instead, think of a child who comes to you in tears saying they feel worthless (all the same feelings, thoughts, feelings, panic, etc.).
What would you do, and what would you say to comfort them?
What would you say to encourage them?
A helpful way of understanding this … what you end up saying to bring comfort and encouragement to this imaginary child is precisely what God would be speaking to you!
#4 - Reflect on new thoughts and what you learned (new resilient grace metanarratives)
Lastly, evaluate how these new thoughts (from step #3) make you rethink your thoughts, emotions, and physical responses (e.g., I’m okay, peaceful, calm, breathing easier). Find a way to express those outward in a simple gratitude prayer. Then, importantly, the next day, ask yourself,
“What did I learn about myself and that situation?”
I would encourage you to write it in a notebook or journal because your brain processes better in writing, and you’ll be surprised by the wisdom you pen down — and what God will show you! You can even talk about the experience with a close, trusted friend, spouse, or family member. When you teach someone else what you learn, it gets more ingrained in you!
Thrive thinking isn’t perfect thinking; it’s practicing courage and resilient thinking (resilient grace).
This is not a quick-fix cure for negative thoughts, panic, anxiety, depression, etc.! We learn by practice, practice, practice. Repetition is forming new habits of thought and body states. We are all unique, and some will want more guidance from a professional therapist, which I highly encourage you to take advantage of (I like and enjoy seeing my therapist)!
This doesn't mean we will never have a negative thought again; instead, we have the skills to better manage through them, not get stuck in a negative feedback loop, but get into a grace loop! To work through it “in Christ,” not on our own.
Joe Padilla | The Grace Alliance
Explore more tools like this in our Grace Group and Thrive Course workbooks.
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